You melt in front of his eyes. You see his heart laid bare before you and all your trivial theological discussions fall flat on their faces. The heart of a pastor is something that cannot be communicated in the words of a book. I just spoke with one (a pastor), and he said something very amazing a life changing to me: "Yea, I have to lay out all that's in my heart in 10 minutes...that's alot to ask of a man." He then asked for my prayers, and I guaranteed him that I would. There is something about that kind of heart that makes me envious. My pastor has it, his brother has it, John Piper has it, Spurgeon had it, my dad had it. It's a heart that Jesus says will be comforted: "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted"(Matt. 5:4). I have been taught that that passage teaches Christians to mourn for our sins and for the sins of the world. That is the kind of heart I want. A heart that sees sin the way God sees it. A heart that truly believes in the reality of the painful, destruction of hell, which is brought about by sin. A heart that genuinely cares for Sunset Acres. I think this will inspire me to study with vehmence. I think this will remind me to rely upon God, because he is the only one who can forgive sins.

O Father give me a heart like your Son a heart that cares, a heart of compassion. Let not my study what it says interfere with my study of why it says it. Draw me closer to your you. Bathe me in your Spirit that I might have its power, the power that sees laying down your life as more profitable than living it. My I not live for myself, but as one bought with a price, redeemed by the blood of His cross, reconciled to my creator forever. My heart is laid open before you, may your will be done, not mine.